In the weeks and months leading up to the first anniversary of Ashlee's death I really felt fine. I was moving through life and didn't feel too anxious like I had before every major holiday throughout that first year. But, the week or so before the first anniversary I started getting irritated over every little thing and had a lot of anxious feelings. I was also trying to plan poor Henry's 3rd birthday, but couldn't seem to really focus on much. As a result he had a very "half-assed" birthday. It sucks because October used to be such a happy month for me and now it was just filled with sorrow, grief and misery. :(
On the actual anniversary (a Sunday) we decided to spend the day as a family doing something fun to take our minds off everything. We took the kids to the pumpkin patch! It was definitely the best way we could have spent that day.
It's hard to believe it's been an entire year since I last spoke to and saw my baby sister. It's so incredibly unfair, but at the same time I have to believe that God had a purpose for her on this Earth and that she had already fulfilled that purpose. She was such a bright and happy person. After losing her, I vowed to myself to try to live my life as she had lived hers. I know on most days I fail, but I try.
I'm making a huge effort this coming Fall to not let the grief overcome me. I know Ashlee wouldn't want that.
Anyway, here's to my baby sister. I hope your first angel-versary was just as lovely and as beautiful as you were and still are in all our hearts.