Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Ashlee's 2nd Angel-versary

This is the day all Fall/October that I anticipate and dread the most.  October 20th.  It's so difficult to get through the months and weeks leading up to that day.  I'm hoping and praying that as the years pass, it'll get easier, but I'm not really sold on that.  Last year, the first anniversary, was no where near as bad as I had thought it would be.  So, I'm thinking maybe I wasn't preparing myself as much as I should have been because on the night before the 2nd anniversary.  I had the WORST anxiety attack I think I've ever had.  My doctor had JUST given me a prescription for Xanax, and so I took one at bedtime.  I was already in the middle of the anxiety attack, so I laid down and waited to drift off to sleep, but sleep never came.  I kind of drifted in and out of consciousness all night.  I'm sure I looked like I had been run over by a truck the next day. Lol  The day of her angel-versary wasn't anywhere NEAR as bad as the night before was.  That was the trend that entire first year, too.  The week leading up to an anniversary/holiday and the day before were absolutely horrible.  The day of?  Not so much.

Anyway, that night John took me and the kids out to eat.  I was still pretty emotional and cried off and on, but we made it through dinner.  It was a sweet gesture.  I just don't know how to get through that month in one piece anymore.  :(  It's so sad.  It's my baby's birth month.  But my sister dying 6 days after his birthday has completely stolen the feeling I SHOULD have around his birthday.  If anyone has any tips on how to survive a month like that, I'd love to hear them!

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